笑容没那么灿烂...

最近我不知我怎么了，
我开始不懂得控制自己的脾气，
我变得有点暴躁，
就因为这样差点得罪很多人。
而且，
我的心情也变得起伏不定，
我到底怎么了?
是压力吗?
还是什么?
一个副主席能把我压倒吗?
我根本不像一个酱容易倒的人。
我也开始变得有点” 走火入魔” (不是为了爱)，
做东西还一直粗心。

笑容还在，
只不过没像之前这么灿烂。
我常说: “笑容是自信的开始。”
我还是乐观，
我还是开心，
只是笑容已没那么灿烂了。
你知道吗?
我真的希望时间可以停留，
停留在我最幸福、快乐、温暖和甜蜜的时刻。
我知道这感觉上在逃避一切，
我想强调，
我不会逃避的。
但哪怕只有短短那几秒，
我也会感到满足。
我似乎失去了这感觉很久，
不知道幸福、快乐、温暖和甜蜜是什么滋味了。
这不是说身边没有人关心我了，
只是我想要的‘她’不是‘她’ 。
感觉上我疯了，
其实我还没有。
我不是执着，
我是放不下。

我相信我自己，
我绝对不是为了她而低落，
而是我真的有点累，
想好好的休息。
我这点苦算什么?
少年不识愁滋味，
为赋新词强说愁。
只是突如其来的东西我还没有完完全全准备好。
给我点时间吧!
我很快就没事了。
真正的我会回来的!

she very lyk dat guy, i thk

i thk tm has a guy she love...
n she very love dat guy...
juz now i juz read her blog in msn space....
'Loving Someone'
"You know our love was went to be.The kind of love that last's forever.And I want you here with me,from tonite to the end of time.You are the meaning in my life. It's plain to see that were so in love when we are togetherYou should know every where i go your always on my mind,in my heart, and soul. I wanna have you by myside for ever.I want everyone to know that no one needs you more than I. "
dis wat her blog write...
after read her blog...
i feel nothg...
very normal n not sad...
but i feel scare when i wan to read it...
i start nervous when i read title...
she is loving sum1...
haiz...
y i still thk so much leh?
...

how stupid? haha

2day tm go qb v my fren...
my fren call me go...
i sure wan to go lah...
but...
i cant go...
haiz...
i no money liao...
cant go out...
my mum dun wan giv me money oso...
how i go out leh?
haiz...
whole evening owes thking about her...
i rili hope i can qb oso...
i cant stop thking about her...
so i go play game...
but suddenly...
i rmb it was raining...
i was so cold...
den how about tm?
she at qb mayb will cold den me...
den worry about her...

at nite...
i oni noe wat i worry is juz a joke...
she din go qb...
my fren use her to ask me go...
so stupid...
i kena bluff by ppl leh...
dis thg seldom happen loh...
bcoz owes i play ppl nia mah...
haha...
bcoz of her i kena bluff leh...
walau eh...
i so easy influnce by her...
cham liao lah...
nez tym gt ppl use her to ask me do sumthg...
i muz b careful liao...
abo kena play again...
haha...

i nid u...

2day i feel so happy...
i walk v tm around de skul to find teacher...
so happy...
but oso gt a bit scare lah...
1 gal 1 boy walk around de skul at 'shang ke' tym...
if kena catch will die d leh...
watever lah...
i rili feel comfortable when i v her...
feel lyk gt a bit 'hamsap'...
haha...
bcoz her shirt half transparent...
haha...
dun thk sengek lah...
i feel happy is bcoz i can b v her 4 so long tym n she dun mind...
we walk until de form 4 n 5 blok dere to find teacher...
dere sure gt many student will c us d mah...
but she dun mind at all...
feel so happy...

now i juz feel dat i nid tm so much...
i love u...
can u feel it...
i noe u can feel it...
but u wont lyk me bac...
i owes imagine us 2gether...
how if we r couple...
how if we love each other...
juz can imagine it...
dey tell me u gt love d ppl...
i noe it is true...
i juz duno hu is dat guy...
i hope i wont regret in my secondary skul life...
but now oni can b v u lyk dis every day...
haiz...
i nid u...
n i love u...

hope to hav it...

after i sms to tm...
dis few day...
rili gt a bit 'guai'...
but we 2 talk bac liao...
feel so happy dat we still can so fren lyk laz tym...
i still very lyk her...
i rili cant 4get her...
mayb is i dunwan to 4get her...
de problem is at my side...
jump too deep liao...
cant jump bac...

i understand dat we still not de age to hav de responsible...
every1 oso play play nia...
2day i read 'xue hai'...
it say dat teenager will 'pat to' is bcoz of many reason...
den i thk myself wan 'pat to' is 4 wat reason leh?
i oso duno...
mayb i lyk de sweet feel...
or i'm a 'ham sap' ppl...
duno oso...
but i can say i rili gt feel wan...
mayb bc teacher said de rite thg...
'pat to' is not oni go eat 2gether or go anywhere 2gether...
it is a responsible...
is not bcoz of feel...
if we r loving each other...
still nid to thk about many thg...

but i rili hope i hav a 'pat to' experience in my secondary skul life...
i rili hope i can...
but dat not mean dat i will start a 'lian qing' easily...
if i rili dun hav de real feel at her i wont start easily...
i wont do sumthg i will regret bcoz of i rili hope...
if i rili cant den i wont start...
juz hope hav nia...
i juz hope i can hav a chance to noe wat is sweet, 'xin fu' n 'wen nuan'...
i noe dat feel is not easy to get it d...
if i get it...
i will rili rili apreciate it...

still cant...

i rili feel peace yesterday...
but 2day...
i cant control myself...
when i c her...
feel sad n hurt again...
i rili cant control myself...
y will lyk dat leh?
we din talk at all 2day...
feel so strange 2day...
i'm so moodless but duno her loh...
she everyday differ wan...

den at de stupid sc period...
haiz...
we do experiment about electrostatic...
at a part of de experiment nid 1 gal 1 boy d...
i dun wan kena bcoz i noe i kena sure will v tm d...
yesterday juz say those thg nia...
2day sure gt feel 'hai siu' d mah...
but my stupid fren pull me in...
no idea loh...
i muz 'qian' her hand den do experiment loh...
4 sure...
i gt a bit happy...
swt...

but say in truth...
i hope i can hav a hug v her b4 graduate...
i rili rili hope...
but i noe sure cant...
tm very sensitive in dis kind of thg wan...
no chance wan...
juz can imagine it nia...
i even cant hav de chance to b v her...
juz can 4get it...
she is de wan i love most in secondary skul rite now...
i duno will any gal i will love her more den tm appear in my life in secondary skul anot...
mayb will but very very hard...
haiz...

actually...
now hav many gal i gt feel around me...
juz i dun wan to start to chase...
mayb i still cant 4get tm...
i hope i can 4get her 1 day...
now yh oso noe i cant v tm liao...
i tell her d...
mayb in my deep heart still gt a bit wan to be v her...
i oso duno...
all thg i juz can wait...
n i now meet some new gal...
n so faz very fren v them liao...
duno i gt feel anot...
so many feel...
which wan is de real wan...
i can sure tm wan is 100% real wan...
other wan i oni hav 50% sure...
haiz...
suan le ba...

over loh

i thk is over adi...
juz now sms v tm...
she say she din lyk me any more liao...
she dun wan to waste my tym...
so mah lyk dat loh...
i din feel so sad den i expect...
feel so peace...
mayb bcoz i had do de thg dat i not dare to do...
den everythg is over...

but i rili love her...
i oways hope can b v her n c her everyday...
in fren relationship oso can d mah...
i duno i will chase other gal anot...
mayb will n mayb wont loh...
everythg 'sun qi zi ran' ba...

dats not de reason i wan

2day ds tell me dat y tm din love me liao...
dis is bcoz i too close to her...
i dun lyk dis reason n hard to acept it...
dis is not de reason i wan to hear...
mayb she say she gt other ppl to love i will feel beter...
too close to her?
den i ask my mei opinion...
she say when 2 person noe too much of each other will bcum boring den will easy break up...
noe too much of each other?
i can say tm not rili duno me...
she juz noe sumthg about me nia...
wat call noe too much...
i duno her thg oso lah...
very stupid reason...
dis reason make me feel emo nia...

i fren v u more den 2 years adi...
u say we too close...
u all gal rili gai wan...
if duno u den will scold us dat we not care u at all...
too close liao say boring...
wat stupid thg is dat?
every tym i say my hurt is over...
but a new hurt will occur soon...
i very gud in recover it but i'm oso a human being...
so many tym d hurt very painful wan, u noe?
i noe dat u r not de wan make me hurt...
u din do anythg...
juz i 'yi xiang qing yuan'...
i hurt myself...
again n again...
deeper n deeper...
wat i can do now juz b fren v u...
how i gona chase i oso duno...
'suan le ba'...
juz 4get it...
it is useless 4 me to wait de ans...

school concert...

2 days school concert make me very tired...
at de 1st day rili rili very cham...
duno make how many stupid mistake...
i kick tiok mike stand n many thg happen...
such as mike drop, our talking sound is heard, n 4get to open de volume of de mike...
n 4 sure, all of us get scold afetr de concert...
dat day i rili sad n disappointed too...
n i'm so tired of it...
de nez day...
we chg all of our plan...
n at nite, we did it although gt many minor mistake...
many teacher say dat we hav well done...
so all of us very happy...
we take photo v principle n teacher...

i feel so lucky can b my leader assistant...
den i'm de oni form 3 in my group...
i can order form 4 n form 5 members to work...
luckily dey all listen to me...
n i'm de most experience in dat group...
i plan all de thg n run here run there 4 2 days...
i very lucky hav a gud leader...
although he duno much of my plan but he is rili gud n hav a gud leadership...
he teach me a lot of thg n say dat i'm a gud assistant...

at de 1st day...
i 'de zui' de harmonica 'zi hui'...
she complain to my leader dat my 'kou qi' very heavy...
lyk scold her...
dey ask me to say sry to her...
4 sure, i make an apologize to her at nite...
den luckily she say nvm...
n duno y my 2 stupid leader say she is my wife...
ala, lyk dat oso can...
she is a form 5 gal liao...
lyk dat oso can say me d...
gao lat...

Fri din go skul very miss tm loh...
when i'm tired...
i hope she will bside me n giv me support...
but din happen b4...
but gt other ppl support me...
my mei, my scout fren, my leader oso support me...
but gt other ppl scold me run dog(hokkien)...
mana can say me lyk dat d...
i juz din go their duty nia mah...
u all thk dat i rili dun wan go meh...
interact dun hav enuf ppl mah...
haiz...
not de 1st tym u all scold me lyk dat liao...